When its least expected...

BAD NEWS BAD NEWS BAD NEWS.... Im still in shock with this news that have managed to find me when ive been trying so hard to hide from it. As you know from earlier posts I volunteer wirt the American Cancer Society. Mt family and I are very educated with Cancer the affects of it the ups down good ugly and the bad. You never think it could happen to you or the people you love. Well it did. This past Saturday I got a phone call from my sister saying my grandfather has been diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. I didn't have a clue what to do other then to sit in shock. Later on that night my mom comes to tell me my dad also maybe in that boat too. He has a spot on his lip that most likley is cancerous. When I got this news 2 in one night really? How could this be why them the two most important men in my life at this time? When I got this news my heatlh started acting up again from previous posts doctors too thought I had cancer, turned out to be I have a huge mass on my liver with cyts on my left ovarie. Anyways when I heard this my pain acted up real quick. I just wanted to cry and lay and scream. How can my daddy and grandpa have this how why. Its so sad to see this happen to people you love. Makes me think twice that this could happen to someone you love. Its a sneaky sick thing that controlls you and I will do whatever it is I have to do to get them healthy. Sorry for the not so good posts. Havent been in the mood to say much!

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ME whats going on with me.!

So as you have all read my love life has been a mess recently. Bear and I broke up then I I was dating Cody, well Cody and I ended up not working out our differences were getting in the way and my heart. Even though bear and I had our falling outs and faults I missed him I loved him I wanted him deep down. I gave Cody a chance hoping I would get over bear well I was wrong very wrong it made me crave him want him more.I know from previous posts your thinking how stupid of me but this is my life and who I love. Cody and I called it quits around Halloween then once after Thanks giving then worked on it up until the begining of December. Bear contacted me while he was on leave in IN and said he missed me hes sorry he needs me he loves me. I couldnt help but feel overwhelmed that maybe my bear was coming back to me?! Excited we text and talked. We got together and went out we had an amazing time from the first second i saw him and we hugged all these emotions and feelings came rushing back. but I still have the thought of our past in my head. We talked and we think getting him checked out is best. Bipolar is a canidate along with PTSD I am thinking. Bipolar disorders run in his family. Now Im not getting to personal with this as he asked me not to. We are working things out and they are going so good Im smiling Im feeling goos were laughing and appreciating eachother finally the way it should of been from when he got back from deployment! Im going to share photos of bear and I from our engagment shoot we did! I will also share more pictures from the 2 photo shoots I had. There are so many photos I will do this in several posts! And coming soon I have a giveaway coming up so keep your eyes wide and ears open my loves!

21 years ago you were taken from us.

21 years ago you were taken from us. If you remember in previous post about my moms husband was k.I.A. in 91' during combat operations in Desert Storm.I should of posted this yesterday because yesterday was the date he was killed. Art was his name a loving man and a love for the Corps as my mother tells me she also said he was a "real gung ho Marine!" For 20 years my mom hadn't gotten answers from how he was killed or I should say the correct answers. There were a few stories told of how he was killed and they were all different, makes you wonder huh? Someone had found my sister and my mom on Facebook! Loan be hold it was the unit Art was tranfered to when he was deployed. In a matter of a short time my mother felt welcomed, loved and she got answers she needed she was being supported by people who knew what she went through as to widows and all of Art's Marine brother's who are suffering for horrible PTSD. July 2011 they planned a reunion for everyone to meet in Vegas. This I did not attend, my older sister traveled with her. I asked when she got back how it all went she was emotional crying and it brought back memories but it was the beging of the healing proccess. She became friends with another widow who I now consider an aunt of mine. My mom told me a story that there was one Marine who was deployed with Art is suffering severely from PTSD to the point he still wears his vest with all his flaks in. This man was walking by my mom my sister and the rest of the them and when he found out who my mom and my sister were he sobbed utterly uncontrollobly the saddest thing they have seen in awhile heart wrenching to see such hurt in his eyes. All in all though she said the reunion was great. We are all very active with them these days. As of this weekend we are having about 5 to 6 guests from Wolfpack stay over. BBQs jelloshots visitng Camp Pendleton and sharing memories is what will consume our weekend! I will take lots of pictures I got with my new camera! I have lots more to say so stay tuned for more posts coming your way!

update!

Hi my loves long time no talk. I know I kinda left you with a what the hell last post. I will get in to detail with that later.... in other postsss.... So anyways how are ya'll doing I missed you guys! lets just say I am freaking jumping out of my skin Bear will be home in less than a week! Its going to be homecoming galore wohoo!!!! I can't wait deployment is finally coming to an end and he can see me my new body I can't wait for homecoming night oh buy yummy yummy yummy! But most of all I can't wait to just lay next to him and smell him. I will have lots of pictures and a video to post for you all when time comes I promise! Now next my weight loss I lost a grand total of 30 pounds! BOOYAH!!! WOHOOO I FEEL AMAZING AND SEXY AND CONFIDENT! I can't wait for bear to lay his eyes on my lusciousness! Lets see what else oh yeah and my new car my cute little white car I am in love wit and he gets to see the new house! I have been cleaning like crazy lots of laundry setting up getting ready going on in the next few day its going to be insane! But baby I am ready bring it! Over this past week I was contacted by a photographer and she asked if I would do photos for her so of course I said hell yeah! The photos came out amazing I love love love them we set up a shoot for bear and I and boy oh boy am I excited for that! I will post some pictures of the shoot and the rest after Christmas because those are everyones Christmas presents lol! SO Its been amazing this past month just knowing he is on his way home to me and I get to spend Christmas with him I couldn't have asked for a better present thanks SANTA!!!! Bear and I are leaving at 1AM in the morning to fly to INDIANA I am meeting his family for the first time and I am ecstatic I love them this deployment has brought all of closer! I have a whole bunch of gifts I am taking plus a huge ass suitcase full of my crap... Then on the 2nd we leave Indiana but were not flying were driving his truck back... Can you say Road trip lol! I can't wait to see the memories we make!.... well I better get to bed I have a busy bust week ahead of me love you all so much I am glad to be back!

Love MAMA Wilson xoxo

My whole world fell apart

A little about me

Laying in bed I was thinking about my blog and come to realize I never really did an "about me" So here we go....

I was born and raised in the city but at hart I am a country girl

I think I am decent looking and I know I have good cooking

I pour a little something on the rocks occasionally.

I love hot bubble bath that I can sink in

I leave a trail when I undress. I can eat a whole bag of Cheeto puffs in one sitting if

I have a box of chocolates I take one bite and the ones I like I eat all of it and the ones I dont I put back.

I paint my toes not my nails because I bite them bear is always on my mind 24/7

I like country and some classical music or soundtracks to

Black Hawk down

Brothers

Tears of the sun and so on...

8 is my favorite number I laugh when I shouldnt at times I am loud and like to dance

I call my mama when all else fails I listen to my music quitely at times but when I have an off day

its up when everything feels right I am great

I wish I had a dad that loved me I wished more people cared about me nd not listened to the lies

my "father" has told about not jut me but my future husband

I dont fight but if I have to I will October through December are my favorite months

I want 6 kids I want a farm and an old victorian practical magic house

Ive never been in snow but I would love to be experience it one day

I can sleep all day if I had the chance I love the rain I love doing arts and crafts

I am very motivated when it comes to our men and women in uniform. My mom and my grandma are my bestfriends I tend to get angry at them when everything goes wrong but amazingly they know

I dont mean it and still love me unconditionally.

I am young but willing I miss my man and would do anything in this world to have

him home with me to get just one kiss or one hug. I miss him I miss all of him

I miss watching his hands work I miss everything about that man.

my favorite color is pink I worry about others more than I need to I carry all my stress

and hold it in. I get mad for no reason sometimes it takes me awhile to warm up in the morning

I am easily entertained and again easy to make laugh I ama curious person to life and how

things work I love to be by myself at times

I cry at songs I cry at a voicemail he sent me a year ago

I sleep with his cammis every night I am trying to persuade the bear in to getting me a dog

I am a very firm believer in not cheating I think its one of the worst things you can do

I trust easily I have been hurt and cheated one to many times

I am a giving person who doesn't expect anything back I can be your best friend or I can be

a real bitch so chose wisely I love to dream about my future and what its going to be like

when I am sick I am sick I have a very high tolerance to pain and people

I love love love kids and animals. I want to go in to the Military but right now I have a fiance deployed a mom who is a widow and a family I love they come before me.This is it for now about me tune in for part 2 after my Halloween

fun!!!!

Mama Wilson xoxo

ME!