The "Dont ask, Dont tell" policy, and Army Wives.

As we know the " Don't ask, Don't tell" policy in play now, I DONT Want any nasty, rude comments when I write this, this is MY OPINION. When gays and lesbians come to mind I don't think much of it. I have family members who like the same sex. I grew up around them and there is nothing wrong with it nor them. I know it bacame a big issue in the Military and lots of comments were made, but I have to give it to them if they are brave enough to fight and die for our freedom who cares. They are your battle buddies they could end up saving your life. so instead of not agreeing with what they do in thie home life , look at them as a person! I love my gay/lesbian friends they are people just like you and I. And then we have tohose who don't agree with it at all cool okay we go it but no reason to sit and bash them if they are not doing anything to you! Its part of everyday life your next dorr neigbor son or daughter could be gay/lesbian, how would you feel then? LOVE is LOVE you can't help who they love and how they are ,accept it and move on nothing more nothing less. if you tuned in to ARMY WIVES this last Sunday then Im sure you saw the woman couple kiss, and one of the partners propsed. I was in shock but happy for them bravo bravo bravo, its bringing real life expierences in to this show which there shoudl be if they want to make a show about the Military. As I logged on to FB and I went to the Army Wives official page I could not believe my eyes at some of the things that were being said. Now, I had my fair share of commenting and stating my opinion. Just a bit about what was being said is... "Im sorry Lifetime you suck I will n longer be watching Army Wives because of the gay couple you have shoved down our throats'", "This show was awesome until you had those lesbians kiss and now a wedding shaemful on your part Lifteime", and it went on and went on and got out of hand. Now another thing I got in to with someone was and I quote she said " I will not be thanking any service members because they are not in danger and not deployed, only first responders need thanks, they were the ones there when the twin towers were hit not our Military!" I wanted honestly to punch something so bad my blood was boiling about this! I replied back " Shame on you and your ignorant filled comment and if you were to inform and educate yourself we were there when the towers were hit and FYI alot of first responders were prior service or still are active duty/reserves....." Maybe i was a bit harsh with some of the other things I said but being around the Military for 20 years and now starting my life with my fiance in the Marines I think I know a thing or two! This is also goes back to my post about bullying, gays/lesbians are bullied to about who they are. They cant help who they are. Its gotten to the point where some gay/lesbians commit suicide becuase of the pressure from society to be straight or being made fun of.... NOT OKAY...... AT ALL.... I can go on and on and on but I will stop here or it will never end. With all that being said Welcome to May everyone its the month of Military Spouse Apprecition!

Always, ME

Daddy Art my mother thinks of you often....

I know I know its my 2nd post of the day but Im having a craving for writing! As you know my mother is a widow. Art was K.I.A. in 91' during combative operations in Desert Storm. My mother was only 20 years young when he was killed. As I was on FB today I came across a post she wrote about him...

(here it is)

I have died everyday waiting for you Darlin' I have loved you for a Thousand years and I'll love you for a Thousand more. Time stands still, beauty in all she is I will be brave Every breath, Every hour has come to this One step closer..........

(and had this picture of him)

With all these posts going around about the "CBS EMAILS TO WIDOWS" it just made me think about these women and their lost loved ones. They never got to or will be able to give them a last hug a last kiss a last smile or a simple last "I love you baby." I have seen my mother for years and years struggle with the loss I have seen her every year on the anniversary of his death crawl in bed and just wanting to be alone. My mother is one of the strongest people I know. She holds everything all together and how she does it is mind blowing. I praise her for it I praise the widows for doing so. I know you hurt and I will hurt with you. It is okay to grieve and be sad its okay to let go and smile and love again. But do so as you please and when your ready, everyone is different. As I watch my mother in the kitchen cooking herself dinner I can't help but wonder sometimes and Im sure she does too, what would it be like if her were here? Would he of been a career Marine, would and her have 6 kids maybe 7, would they have gone back to Texas where his family is? All these questions i wonder but they will never be answered. When bear left for deployment my mother was hurting and stressed even more than me, but I remeber the day he came home the relief on her face the weight lifted off her shoulders and the tears just came pouring down. She clung on to him crying saying "Im glad you home, welcome home, your home." It was a bunch of mixed emotions for her it was her very first homecoming expierence, she never got one, everytime bear leaves she holds her breath for him. She told me previously this week that when he comes she wants to make signs and do a big dinner (bear will be home very soon) Im guessing this maybe a way for her to cope? With that being said I hope everyone has a wonderful blessed night as for me Im hittin the sheets early! Goodnight all....

p.s.

Ill leave you with some pictures of art and my mother...

Always, me

Diet Monday, will it last?

Today is Monday icky Monday, i start my diet or should I say my new "lifestyle." Now Im going to post my weight which is hard for me to do but, i think if I see it posted and know I have my readers behind me i know I can do this. My weight is ready.... Drum roll please.... 166.5!!!! My goodness where did my body go where are my collar boned where are my ribs??? I am very motivated to get in shape and healthy not only for myself but for my hubby and my life. Like I said I have a mass on my liver and cyts on my ovaries. With these health issues I have already its very important to not add anymore to my list! I want to be able to live a long life, I want to be able to run miles with bear, i want to at one point in my life (when I do have kids) be able to chase after my kids and sit on the floor and play with them! Today in society obesity rules the lives of alot of Americans and sad to say kids as well. We need to make a change to get everyone in a more healthy lifestyle, so they won't have heart problems, diabetes, heart attacks, strokes, breathing problems and more. along with being on the heavier side people get judged! And its not fair, but I do understand there are people who have weight issues or are sick and czat drop the weight, nothing wrong with that. We just need to be a support group for eachother and cheering em' on! With that being said, daily work outs and new eating habbits will take place as they already have today! Who else is in this with me? If so comment, and every Monday Ill write a post about what has taken place during my week, and how much weight ive lost. my ultimate goal is to be at 125, you think I can do it?!!!!

 Always, ME!

Bullying, highschool fights., teen trends, and music?

BULLYING?

HIGHSCHOOL FIGHTS?

TEEN TREDNS?

MUSIC?

What comes to mind when you think of those 4 things? When I think of bullying and fighting I am sick and I mean sick to my stomach. When I think about the things that teenagers are wearing now a day I think "where are your parents, do you know what message your sending out?" And not to mention the music of today, is just down rite dirty and wrong! I was bullied as a kid because I wasnt "skinny" and I wore "glasses". I remeber in elementary school I was called a "FAT PIG" and "FOUR EYES". I remember the tears and the hurt when this was said to me. I remember him being part of the "cool crowd." I think back now that these kids couldn't have been more than 9 or 10 years old. How can these kids be so cruel and use language like this? Now that I see kids are KILLING themselves because of being bullied is so wrong and so heart wrenching. Its not fair to them or the families. YOU don't know what was going on with them, YOU don't know the life stroy behind them. Maybe they were just looking for a simple hello or a friend perhaps. Maybe they could of saved his/her life instead of pushing them so far to comit suicide. I've made damn sure to not judge or bully someone, and Ive made damn sure to be a friend, and to help those in need. It should be human nature to do so in my opinion. When will this stop will it ever?

I saw a video on FACEBOOK that had two teenage boys beating the hell out of eachother! I was in shock and sick to my stomach. All these kids were standing around cheering it on instead of going to get help or trying to stop it. Where are the parents? Where are the teachers? Wheres the common sense? Does fighting put you on a petal stool? Does it make you "cool" does it make you feel on top of the world? If it does something needs to be done. I hope when they look back on this one day they will think what fools they looked like. How badly they hurt not only themselves but the other person involved! In this world there are MANY other ways to solving a problem rather than throwing blows at one another. What if that kid you were hitting was for no reason. What if he couldn't defend himself and he actually ended up getting seriously injured or worse dead. What joy comes from that. What good comes from possibly going to jail? No good in my eyes. Again something needs to be done!

As I was walking around I saw a group of girls with boobs hanging out bra straps showing skirts and shorts that barely cover ANYTHING! I saw a group of boys who have there pants to the ground with there underwear hanging out and nasty sayings on there shirts! I don't get it why? Is it the "cool crowd" thing again? Does it make you feel on top of the world looking like this? Morals where are they? Self respect where is it? Holding yourself at a standard gone. It doesn't help with all the sex on t.v. and seeing even ADULTS dress like this! What message are they trying to send. I got a message loud and clear in my mind of what it meant! Maybe Im wrong for feeling this but your still a child not a 21 year old! Again where are the parent something needs to be done!

Now music. HOLY COW the music thats on the radio... REALLY? I grew up on classic rock oldies and lots of country! Im an all the way country lover. I tuned into a wrap hip hop station today and couldn't believe my ears! All the music now a days is about sex drugs money and alachol. Again is this part of the "cool crowd".  Some lyrics I wanted to share with you NOW MIND YOU THEY ARE GRAPHIC.. HERE WE GO!

"I'm st-stacking my paper my wallet look like a bible
I got girlies half naked that shit look like the grotto
How your waist anorexic and then your ass is colossal, whoop
Drop that ass make it boomerang
Take my belt off bitch I'm Pootie Tang
Tippy tow tippy tay you gonna get a tip today
Fuck that you gonna get some dick today
I walk in with my crew and I'm breaking they necks
I'm looking all good I'm making her wet
They pay me respect they pay me in checks
And if she look good she pay me in sex, do it
Bounce that ass it's the roundest
You the best you deserve a crown bitch
Right on that"

???????????????????????????????????

What in the world? Is it just me or am I crazy? These kids are anywhere from 10 to adult listening to this music! What good is this doing for such young minds? What message are they getting? If I were a parent my kids would NOT be listening to music of such! Again Where are the parents, something needs to be done. I can also say I was a teenager not very long ago and kids do what they want against authority! When they are alone with friends and at partys this what they do its whats "IN" right now..... My oh my I hope they don't fall for this in the realistic life they have to face one day! Because it may be fun now but once your own your own you need to use all your judgment you have!

Always, ME xoxox

BoogeyMan under my bed, scary guy in my closet?

Kinda like lions and tigers and bears OH MY, in my case its the "boogeyman and the scary "guy in my closet!" Are you like me and love watching scary movies? Now, Im a big chicken but I LOVE getting the gee wilikers scared out of me! Ever since I was an itty bitty I would lock myself in my room and watch scary movies. Back then and even now lol I used to think if I hid under the covers nothing would happen to me! Also when I had to use the restroom or needed to go downstairs Id be to scared to step off the bed, so I would jump as far as I could from my bed and try to get as close I could to my door just to make sure the "boogey man" wouldnt grab me and drag me under with him! Ever since I was a little girl even now at 20 when I go to bed I have to have my door shut and my closet door has to be shut as well. Still sometimes think when Im alone that someone is waiting for me in my walk in closet (I know no one is there but still usurance right?) One day my sister and I and had couple friends over and had a sleepover. This must of been about 10 11 years ago, well we put a scary movie in everyone had popcorn candy sodas. You know the so amazingly healthy movie snacks! As we were getting in to the movie I was on the top part of my bunk bed and the rest of the girls were below cuddled up with one another, well about 10 minutes in to the movie we have all let an overly dramatic scream out by now, and all of a sudden we hear scratiching against the wall. No one really wanted to say anything we could tell by the look on eachothers faces kinda like "WHAT THE HELL, WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM KINDA LOOK." After a few more minutes went by everyone had focused back to the movie and for got about the scratching sound, not even 5 mintues later my aunt jumps out of the closet screaming. We all jump up and scream popcorn bowl flew to the opposite side of the room grease and butter everywhere candy all over the floor soda spilt on sleeping bags and now about 4 girls crying! Way to go auntie! After that "surprise act" we decided enough with the scary movies and to turn on cartoons and baby ourselves back to a normal heart rate! As I got older my freshmen year of Highschool a group of my friends and I went to Knotts Berry Farm but during the month of October it turns in to "Knotts scary Farm (put a creepy old mans voice while saying that)." As soon as we walked through the gates my heart rate was pumpin my hands sweating my stomach in knots thinking what did I get myself in to?... As were walking through the park people left and right are dressed scary to a T. Jumping out of bushes and trees jumping out of no where pretty much, running with chainsaws, girls and boys running from these scary monsters! As we went through a maze I was holding on to one of my friends digging my nails in to his back crying "I dont want to go in I dont want to go in." My girlfriend drug me through the whole maze and as soon as we got out there was a HUGE group of clowns standing tormenting people. Now Im not the biggest fan of clowns they freak me out. I swear these clowns smelt fear and as soon as they saw me they came right toward me. I took off, hauling ass through the park, I got to a part of the park where they had games. I ran to one of the game booths hopped over the counter of the game and jumped on the guy gripping him to death. Security came over and told me to let him go or had to leave! The guy was nice enough to say "NO shes fine just scared!" After that best believe I called my mother to come pick me up! Wohhhh that was a lot was your heart rate up? Do you have stories like this, comment below or email me and be a guest blogger!

xoxo

Always, ME

Military Wives Fight Back!

My beautys hello there! So as you see the picture above what do you think when you see it? As I posted previously back a few months ago I was in and out of the hospitals, it concluded in me haing cyts on my left ovary and a mass on my liver. Well as I was sitting on FB one day I was thinking that there are all these support pages but none for the wives and husbands who are sick. I started a oage called "Military Wives Fight Back." Its still semi new but Ive gotten many likes, the page is building up to what it shou ld be. This page is for those of you who have fought cancer and other illness iny our life, its for you to come and get the support encouragment and uplifting you need. I know how hard it is to be sick and feeling alone when your loved one is gone. Been there done it and still doing it. here is the link if you want to stop by and "like" the page! http://www.facebook.com/MilitaryWivesFightBack

On another note bear is still in New Zealand, he did say that he may be home in the Middle of may rather than June so fingers crossed hes home sooner than later! Once he gets back we will hopefully fly home to Indiana for two weeks, that is if his leave is approved! Along side with everything our relay for life is coming up with the American Cancer Society! It will be May 19th in Hacienda heights if you'd like to come out and be a survivor or participate! Im also starting a new diet that will take place Monday! If youd like to join in on Mondays we will weigh in and every week we will see how much we lost! Just comment and will get going! As for now I got to get back to tending to my miniature weiner dog! Yall have a wonderful night!

xoxo Always, Me!



A phone call and Cancer.

As you know bear is in New Zealand, he left the 9th and the first phone call I got was last Wensday and last night at 11 30 I got another call from him! I was dead asleep until I heard his voice. I popped up in bed started smiling and laughing, he sounded so good he was happy and just sounded full of life. I asked if he got any libbo time, he did yesterday and the day before. Oddly he said New Zealand looked like East coast meets Teneesse? But its pretty at night! I wondered how the heck does NEW ZEALAND look like that haha! He also said the people of New Zealand were very nice and welcoming. Down part is bears birthday along with my sisters is on Wensday the 18th. This will be the 4th birthday we miss together but comes along with the Military right! We will celebrate and pray he have a good day and then celebrate more when he comes home! Now in previous posts I mentioned I volunteer with the ACS (American Cancer Society) this will be my 6th year working with them. Cancer is a scary and awful thing to go through or to be connected to. Again in previous posts I said both my grandpa and dad have cancer as of now. Along with many other family memebers and friends have either had cancer or have been taken from us because of this illness. Yesterday my family(family also volunteers with the ACS)and I went to the V.F.W. to raise awarness and money for our relay. We had 2 stories brought to our attention while at the V.F.W.. We had a man of the age 27 stand before us sharing that when he was 13 he was diagnosed with cancer, 2 tumors on the top of his head. The Drs. that were working on him told him he had a .1 chance of living which means a 99.9 chance of dieing. As he went through his treatments he said the pain the throwing up the soars all that was just wrong and that no one should ever have to go through this. Well New Years day came and the Drs. came in and told him they have great news and greater news. One that he will be able to go home after being in the hospital for a year and 2 his blood test labs and everything came back negative he was finally cancer free, soon after he shared that with us he hit us with his wife dies of cancer 2 weeks after they got married. I couldn't imagine losing my S/O to such a sick thing. The 2nd story we had a little boy named Mario who was about 5 to 6 years of age. He was in his2nd remissioin and cancer free. He mentioned to his mom while in the hospital all he wanted to do was to learn to ride a bike. While in the middle of the fundraiser the host stopped and made Mario come to the center of the room to give him a gift. Everyone donated money for this little boy to have his dreams come true. They suprised him with a brand spankin new blue bike and helmet. Not a dry eye in the V.F.W. when he was presented with it. Mario ran to the back laughing and smiling he couldn't wait to get on his new wheels and start learning. We need to realize anyone can be diagnosed with this it affects everyone and we need to do what we can too help those in need. I help because of stories like that I help so I can see all the survivors take the first lap at the relay I help because I would want someone to help me. Please get involved or donate if you can very little makes a difference!


Always,
ME!

New Zealand.... New Marines... New friends.... and missions!

Hey all, wouldn't you like to go to New Zealand I know I would. Bear is in New zealand training till late May early November! Now story time about the events of him leaving... HERE WE GO... Last week he worked Monday thru wensday, Thursday and Friday he had. Well Thursday he got to my house around 7 30 he cracked open a beer we had some friends over everything was great. bear got a call as soon as he sucked down the last of his beer from one of his Cpls. saying "we just got 11 new privates in and you need to come in and sing em' in" bear left and I satyed home and entertained. He got home around 1 30 am or so exhausted. Friday morning we wake up and go down to base to pick up some supplies, we met up with my sister and more friends for breakfast at a place called "The Breakfast Club" now this place is "BITCHIN" as they say in the 80's. This place is all 80's theme the decor the music and the food is finger lickin good and cheap. I so recommend this place. Afte we ate we finished up at base and went home and settled in for the night, Saturday morning rolled around. we left the house around 9 am (bear had to catch a flight at 3 pm) as the hours grew shorter we packed and loved on eachother, about 1pm came in to play and a lcpl. came to the door and informed bear that one of the female privates needs to get her skirt in town and no one can take her and that her room mate hadn't done her taxes yet. I offered to take the girls in to town to get what they need to do done. As we were walking to the car they were very nervous and anxious. I could see it in there body language. as we were driving I was talking to them trying to get them to relax telling them a little about my self asking them some questions as well. These girls were both my age 19 it was breathtaking to know how young they were and fighting for our country I was so happy and thank ful for them as I told them. As they would talk to me they would either call me "Cpl. Wilsons fiance, Mrs. Garza, Ma'am" i told them to call me Alyssa and that im a friend and to not be nervous with me. After that they loosened up and got a bit comfortable with me they relaxed which look like they haven't done in some time, we finally got to the seamstress, we got out and went to grab her skirt when the woman said it wouldnt be ready till 6 pm that night. The private apologized a million time feeling awful saying she would give me gas money for wasting my gas and so on and so on. I told her hush and not to worry about it it was my pleasure and that I would wait till 6 to drive her back. We got back to base and I spent the rest of what I had with bear. 3 o'clock came to fast and his ride pulled around with the other Marines that were going, he kissed me and hugged me and said good bye. He walked away and when he got to the door of the van turned to me blew me a kiss and yelled "I love you" and I just smiled feeling all gushie! As I waited till 6 came around I just sat and talked to the duty officers, (more of bears Marines.) Finally 6 came and we all went back to my car and drove down to oceanside once again. 2nd time around we go to the shop and got her skirt, I was thinking to myself what I can do to make these girls day? I looked at them and asked if they wanted to stay out longer and they both with excitment yelled "YEAS MA'AM PLEASE" I just sat and laughed and said okay my time to spoil yall. I took them in to a few stores they bought some new clothes a purse and some shoes! They both agreed by buying this they actually feel like "GIRLS AGAIN!" after they were done shopping I took them to eat some Mexican food they then at the table were laughing so hard while sharing stories! As we finished up and got back in to the car one of the Privated said to me she admired me and looks up to me that I stand by him and that Im such a good woman and that Cpl. Wilson is very lucky to have me. Later on in the drive I got a phone call its not about 7 30 its from bear, as soon as I heard his tone of voice I knew something was wrong he said to me " babe I need you to do me a huge favor I forgot my woodland cammis and I need you to bring them to me!" Now mind you from Camp Pendleton to LAX its anywere depending on traffic 2-3 hours away and his flight leaves at 10 30 pm. As I got on to base I drove as fast as I could (while doing the speed limits)racing to his barricks dropped the girls off ran to his room grabbed his cammies and bolted to the car and took off. I called my mom and told her im on my way to pick her up, as I was driving I felt the urge to throw up and pee I know weird. I was so so so stressed out it was awful. I got to my house and ran up stairs and with relief peed thank good ness I made it becauae I was literally running with my knees together! It was now about 8 10 or so, once again we got in the car and flew to the airport. In this time Bear has called me now over 30 times asking where I was at the sound of stress in that mans voice made my heart break. Were driving driving driving and finally see signs for the airport we get to where we need to be gate 5 delta. We saw him standing on the curb I jumped out he slammed his sea bag on the ground were shoving his cammis in, its 9 20 he kisses me kisses my hand says by to my momma and books it through security! As we left looking back on the relief of that mans face was pricelss and made all my icky feeling go away! So now we are 5 days into him being gone! Pheww did you break a sweat because I sure did! Have you done anything like this? Comment if you have!

Always,
ME! xoxo

What would you do?

Have you ever seen the show what would you do?
If not here is a little insight, its a t.v. show where they
test peoples judgement in certain situations!
For example if a babysitter had the child they were caring for in
public was yelling at them and holding there wrist tighhtly
would you step in and say something or, just keep walking?
Well yesterday I was in a shopping center sitting people watching, don't
you love people watching! Back to the story I saw a boy walk by
couldn't be any younger than 16 i'd say, minding his own beeswax! The boy
was wearing orange shorts, a black shirt, green jacket, high blue
socks, with tennis shoes on. Me personally I don't care if
happy and comfy that's all that matters! Well as he was walking I was
watching a group of teens looking laughing and pointing at him. I
became heated over this and inraged then I felt sorry for
this boy. I sat for mintue and thought to myself
"they don't know him, what if thats all he has?,the boy is probably a
great kid, should I stand up and say something or sit and hush up?"
The boy acted like he didn't hear what they were syaing or
pretended he didnt see the pointing. At this point I built
the courage up to say something but as soon as I was walking towards them they scattered, the boy just stood looking at me I asked if he was okay
he smiled and said yes then we both went our seperate ways.
Now as much as I Hate to say this I have been
one of those "teens" and I kick myself for being so, all we can do
is learn from our immaturity.This brings me back to my title
"what would you do" would you say something or would you stay quiet? Have
you ever done something like this if so I would love to hear the
responses. We need to remember others feelings we need to
think before we speak. Instead of bringing someone down how about being
a friend or saying how do you do today? Society
today is to stuck on "t.v. and the internet" to stuck in the "cool
crowd" TO STUCK IN BEING ACCEPTED FOR NOT WHO YOU TRULY ARE"
Stay true to who you are your perfect the way you are and you should never
be anyone your not! Remember that!


Always me. xoxo

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!

Hey all long time no talk huh? Man have you seen the new Army Wixes and Cominghome? Can you say TEAR JERKERS!!!! Well so far were so good! Bear is doing excellent as well as me, last I posted was about my dad and grandpa! They are doing well. I still haven't come to terms that they BOTH have cancer. Its a nast awful thing and I hate it I hate it so much. I finally got back in to voluntering with the ACS (American Cancer society) we need to be aware and not so oblivious to this sickness. We think it can't happen to us but truth is it can. ancer is a scary word isn't it? Please pray and send good vibes to the 2 men in my life its much appreciated!... With that being said update with bear. He was supposed to be leaving for Afghanistan in September but gave it up to another Cpl. who needed is desprately. When he gave it up he thought he may have made the wrong decision but, not long after that he got orders to go to new Zealand for 45 days on April 9th to train the New Zealand Army! awesome for him can you say jealous! Down side is bears birthday is the 18th this will be the 4th year we willnot beable to spend it together! I remind myself well ya know its the Marines for ya hes just doing his duty gotta love it! when he comes back we will be making a 2 week trip too Indiana to see his parents, so so so excited to get up there and see em'! With that being said I was invited to PUREBLOGGERS.COM here is the link if you want to follow---> http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fpurebloggers.com%2Fprofile-26286%2F&h=VAQGnFO8lAQFAX2e6ac0MU1wybwc6GNbEaiaSob8KQdCZNw (now im still working on it so forgive me!) Now also don't forget to check out my Facebook page 'The Practical Magic Of You' good night all!

GIVEAWAY GIVEAWAY GIVEAWAY!!!!

Are you ready for the upcoming giveaway? Its up to an 80$ value on some pretty sweet stuff! Rules and details are to come soon. Spread the word to your fellow bloggers so they also get a chance!

When its least expected...

BAD NEWS BAD NEWS BAD NEWS.... Im still in shock with this news that have managed to find me when ive been trying so hard to hide from it. As you know from earlier posts I volunteer wirt the American Cancer Society. Mt family and I are very educated with Cancer the affects of it the ups down good ugly and the bad. You never think it could happen to you or the people you love. Well it did. This past Saturday I got a phone call from my sister saying my grandfather has been diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. I didn't have a clue what to do other then to sit in shock. Later on that night my mom comes to tell me my dad also maybe in that boat too. He has a spot on his lip that most likley is cancerous. When I got this news 2 in one night really? How could this be why them the two most important men in my life at this time? When I got this news my heatlh started acting up again from previous posts doctors too thought I had cancer, turned out to be I have a huge mass on my liver with cyts on my left ovarie. Anyways when I heard this my pain acted up real quick. I just wanted to cry and lay and scream. How can my daddy and grandpa have this how why. Its so sad to see this happen to people you love. Makes me think twice that this could happen to someone you love. Its a sneaky sick thing that controlls you and I will do whatever it is I have to do to get them healthy. Sorry for the not so good posts. Havent been in the mood to say much!

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ME whats going on with me.!

So as you have all read my love life has been a mess recently. Bear and I broke up then I I was dating Cody, well Cody and I ended up not working out our differences were getting in the way and my heart. Even though bear and I had our falling outs and faults I missed him I loved him I wanted him deep down. I gave Cody a chance hoping I would get over bear well I was wrong very wrong it made me crave him want him more.I know from previous posts your thinking how stupid of me but this is my life and who I love. Cody and I called it quits around Halloween then once after Thanks giving then worked on it up until the begining of December. Bear contacted me while he was on leave in IN and said he missed me hes sorry he needs me he loves me. I couldnt help but feel overwhelmed that maybe my bear was coming back to me?! Excited we text and talked. We got together and went out we had an amazing time from the first second i saw him and we hugged all these emotions and feelings came rushing back. but I still have the thought of our past in my head. We talked and we think getting him checked out is best. Bipolar is a canidate along with PTSD I am thinking. Bipolar disorders run in his family. Now Im not getting to personal with this as he asked me not to. We are working things out and they are going so good Im smiling Im feeling goos were laughing and appreciating eachother finally the way it should of been from when he got back from deployment! Im going to share photos of bear and I from our engagment shoot we did! I will also share more pictures from the 2 photo shoots I had. There are so many photos I will do this in several posts! And coming soon I have a giveaway coming up so keep your eyes wide and ears open my loves!

21 years ago you were taken from us.

21 years ago you were taken from us. If you remember in previous post about my moms husband was k.I.A. in 91' during combat operations in Desert Storm.I should of posted this yesterday because yesterday was the date he was killed. Art was his name a loving man and a love for the Corps as my mother tells me she also said he was a "real gung ho Marine!" For 20 years my mom hadn't gotten answers from how he was killed or I should say the correct answers. There were a few stories told of how he was killed and they were all different, makes you wonder huh? Someone had found my sister and my mom on Facebook! Loan be hold it was the unit Art was tranfered to when he was deployed. In a matter of a short time my mother felt welcomed, loved and she got answers she needed she was being supported by people who knew what she went through as to widows and all of Art's Marine brother's who are suffering for horrible PTSD. July 2011 they planned a reunion for everyone to meet in Vegas. This I did not attend, my older sister traveled with her. I asked when she got back how it all went she was emotional crying and it brought back memories but it was the beging of the healing proccess. She became friends with another widow who I now consider an aunt of mine. My mom told me a story that there was one Marine who was deployed with Art is suffering severely from PTSD to the point he still wears his vest with all his flaks in. This man was walking by my mom my sister and the rest of the them and when he found out who my mom and my sister were he sobbed utterly uncontrollobly the saddest thing they have seen in awhile heart wrenching to see such hurt in his eyes. All in all though she said the reunion was great. We are all very active with them these days. As of this weekend we are having about 5 to 6 guests from Wolfpack stay over. BBQs jelloshots visitng Camp Pendleton and sharing memories is what will consume our weekend! I will take lots of pictures I got with my new camera! I have lots more to say so stay tuned for more posts coming your way!