almost one month down already!

Wow almost one month down already!Damn did that go by fast! I miss my hunny so much I miss his kisses I miss his hugs I miss his voice I miss I just miss him. Its been up and down I ve been trying to keep my self busy which has been working BUT my hero keeps slippin in my busy mind... I swear I can not go without thinking of him not even 5 minutes. I want to write a little something to Gary Ray or aka bear... Hey baby how are you? I've been being your strong girl!I miss you I haven't heard from you in almost a month. I dream of your home coming every night and when I do I get wild fireflies (as he calls them instead of butterflies) in my tummy. I wonder how many times the color of your eyes have changed. I know blue is when your happy green is when your stressed and yellow oh boy watch out! I love when your eyes change colors why you ask because I know when there is something wrong and you can't tell me no there's not! I have 3 regular t shirts and a cammi jacket of yours on my bed and the best part they still smell like you! Looking back at some of the pictures of deployment day are kinda blahh... Especially the one of us both crying(its posted in the pics hat go along with this. Already almost 6 months left woot woot! Are you sleeping okay does your tummy get enough to eat do you have mudd butt yet? (meaning he has the runs!)Its 11:00 pm here 8:00 pm where you are but your in the future a day ahead of me! I love you baby I misses you. I hate to say this but I've been having the worst dream over and over... As I am about to write this I will be knocking on wood... Baby I really need you I really want you to come home I don't want to seem selfish or over dramatic but I don't want to go through what my mom did. She till his day 20 years later suffers from ptsd and survivors guilt. I come out to the kitchen every morning and see Art's flag ( my moms laid husband kia in 91 Saudi Arabia first gulf war there will be a pic posted of him too} I don't want that knock on my door and I don't want a flag folded in a case. I see this girl dealing with her husbands death with a new born beautiful baby girl. just want to kick scream and cry for her but I am not going to because shes a strong women who is keeping herself lively for herself and her daughter. I look up to her she is suck an inspiration This is for you Rachel Porto your an amazing beautiful women with the greatest baby girl ever I look at her pictures and she looks just like her daddy! I am sorry you had to go through this I don't know the grief your going through I wish you hadn't but this makes you stronger wiser and the best Marine wife/mommy ever keep your head up and keep solderin on I am so proud of you girl so damn proud of you...Back to my hunny I am so proud of you and o blessed to have you in my life I am here waiting for you for as long as you need me to like Ialways say forever proud forever faithful your wife Alyssa! xoxoo