oh one more thing

I don't know why my comment thing isn't working and I don't know how to fix it ( if anyone can tell me how to fix it it would be appreciated and how to make a button and get a make over for my blog page would be wonderful!) I am a little slow at all this ! So if you would like to contact me feel free to go to my fb page or my email (themarinesgirl88@gmail.com) I know its long sorry!

4 months and I can smell you

I know I know I know I haven't been on and writing a lot. I am sorry I have been super duper busy my mom and I moved in to her moms until we close escrow on the house we just bought in Laguna Nigel (20 mins away from Camp Pendleton where bear is based at)mom goes in for another two surgery's soon poor thing she is doing so much better all ready she looks good! She happier and wanting to do more things so we went and got mani pedis our eye brows waxed and she bought herself a brand spankin new lap top! She is enjoying herself and everything a lot more I can see! The family and I went on a fam bam vaca sown to Carlsbad in San Diego again ( 2o mins from Camp Pendleton)! Boy boy bet your ass we had a blast! So much fun good food good company we had games swimming our hotel was 5 steps from the beach it was a much needed break! We went down to Camp Pen to go see our street (in previous post I wrote about my step dad he was kia in 91' they named a street after us down there to honor him) we drove bye bears old barracks and we went shopping and I got myself a cute USMC tank top it was so bittersweet being there I felt you near me I felt so safe and so relieved I wanted to run to your barracks open the door and just hug you. I remembered a second after you aren't here your not here your gone to a far far away land with danger and hostility. After a few hours at Pen we went out to eat and headed back,unfortunately this wonderful life we lead for the weak had to end and go back to reality! Bear has been constantly on my mind hes never not there hes in my dreams in my words my movements everything your there your there but your not your not here I feel like you are but physically your not I want you home I want you home now in my arms where I know I can protect you from worlds harm. I want to see your baby blues and your dimples when you grin I want to see the medium reg with a fade hair cut I want your body next to me where it should be. I understand I agreed to this life and this is your job I understand all the ups and down that came with this life I love it because its you I love it because its what makes us you and me I love it because I love you but I am having a hard time rite now. I've been having dreams bad dreams. You laying in a hospital bed motionless me looking at you helpless. Me in the far far away land trying to find you and bring you home. I would tell you more but I don't want to relive these dreams. It 2 am I can't sleep I miss you and want to hold you I found you r cammi jacket along with a white long sleeve dress shirt when I saw them I thought of you. I lifted both of them up and smelt them tears came instantly to my eyes this is the 2nd time I have cried since you been gone. I try to be strong and I try to be up beat and happy but you you my one and only are the only thing that makes me weak weak in the knees weak in the heart. I lay here in bed with chills running through my body and clenching my teeth I long for you tonight I miss you. Next month on the 3rd is our anni! I have to start puttin a box together and send it out in the next few day so hopefully you will receive it by then. I am proud of you man I am proud of everything you have done. I have said before and I will say many times after I am forever proud forever faithful. I love you bear hopefully I will get a call letter or email from you haven't heard from you in quit some time. miss you bear love me you number one fan. xoxo