Daddy Art my mother thinks of you often....

I know I know its my 2nd post of the day but Im having a craving for writing! As you know my mother is a widow. Art was K.I.A. in 91' during combative operations in Desert Storm. My mother was only 20 years young when he was killed. As I was on FB today I came across a post she wrote about him...

(here it is)

I have died everyday waiting for you Darlin' I have loved you for a Thousand years and I'll love you for a Thousand more. Time stands still, beauty in all she is I will be brave Every breath, Every hour has come to this One step closer..........

(and had this picture of him)

With all these posts going around about the "CBS EMAILS TO WIDOWS" it just made me think about these women and their lost loved ones. They never got to or will be able to give them a last hug a last kiss a last smile or a simple last "I love you baby." I have seen my mother for years and years struggle with the loss I have seen her every year on the anniversary of his death crawl in bed and just wanting to be alone. My mother is one of the strongest people I know. She holds everything all together and how she does it is mind blowing. I praise her for it I praise the widows for doing so. I know you hurt and I will hurt with you. It is okay to grieve and be sad its okay to let go and smile and love again. But do so as you please and when your ready, everyone is different. As I watch my mother in the kitchen cooking herself dinner I can't help but wonder sometimes and Im sure she does too, what would it be like if her were here? Would he of been a career Marine, would and her have 6 kids maybe 7, would they have gone back to Texas where his family is? All these questions i wonder but they will never be answered. When bear left for deployment my mother was hurting and stressed even more than me, but I remeber the day he came home the relief on her face the weight lifted off her shoulders and the tears just came pouring down. She clung on to him crying saying "Im glad you home, welcome home, your home." It was a bunch of mixed emotions for her it was her very first homecoming expierence, she never got one, everytime bear leaves she holds her breath for him. She told me previously this week that when he comes she wants to make signs and do a big dinner (bear will be home very soon) Im guessing this maybe a way for her to cope? With that being said I hope everyone has a wonderful blessed night as for me Im hittin the sheets early! Goodnight all....

p.s.

Ill leave you with some pictures of art and my mother...

Always, me

Diet Monday, will it last?

Today is Monday icky Monday, i start my diet or should I say my new "lifestyle." Now Im going to post my weight which is hard for me to do but, i think if I see it posted and know I have my readers behind me i know I can do this. My weight is ready.... Drum roll please.... 166.5!!!! My goodness where did my body go where are my collar boned where are my ribs??? I am very motivated to get in shape and healthy not only for myself but for my hubby and my life. Like I said I have a mass on my liver and cyts on my ovaries. With these health issues I have already its very important to not add anymore to my list! I want to be able to live a long life, I want to be able to run miles with bear, i want to at one point in my life (when I do have kids) be able to chase after my kids and sit on the floor and play with them! Today in society obesity rules the lives of alot of Americans and sad to say kids as well. We need to make a change to get everyone in a more healthy lifestyle, so they won't have heart problems, diabetes, heart attacks, strokes, breathing problems and more. along with being on the heavier side people get judged! And its not fair, but I do understand there are people who have weight issues or are sick and czat drop the weight, nothing wrong with that. We just need to be a support group for eachother and cheering em' on! With that being said, daily work outs and new eating habbits will take place as they already have today! Who else is in this with me? If so comment, and every Monday Ill write a post about what has taken place during my week, and how much weight ive lost. my ultimate goal is to be at 125, you think I can do it?!!!!

 Always, ME!

Bullying, highschool fights., teen trends, and music?

BULLYING?

HIGHSCHOOL FIGHTS?

TEEN TREDNS?

MUSIC?

What comes to mind when you think of those 4 things? When I think of bullying and fighting I am sick and I mean sick to my stomach. When I think about the things that teenagers are wearing now a day I think "where are your parents, do you know what message your sending out?" And not to mention the music of today, is just down rite dirty and wrong! I was bullied as a kid because I wasnt "skinny" and I wore "glasses". I remeber in elementary school I was called a "FAT PIG" and "FOUR EYES". I remember the tears and the hurt when this was said to me. I remember him being part of the "cool crowd." I think back now that these kids couldn't have been more than 9 or 10 years old. How can these kids be so cruel and use language like this? Now that I see kids are KILLING themselves because of being bullied is so wrong and so heart wrenching. Its not fair to them or the families. YOU don't know what was going on with them, YOU don't know the life stroy behind them. Maybe they were just looking for a simple hello or a friend perhaps. Maybe they could of saved his/her life instead of pushing them so far to comit suicide. I've made damn sure to not judge or bully someone, and Ive made damn sure to be a friend, and to help those in need. It should be human nature to do so in my opinion. When will this stop will it ever?

I saw a video on FACEBOOK that had two teenage boys beating the hell out of eachother! I was in shock and sick to my stomach. All these kids were standing around cheering it on instead of going to get help or trying to stop it. Where are the parents? Where are the teachers? Wheres the common sense? Does fighting put you on a petal stool? Does it make you "cool" does it make you feel on top of the world? If it does something needs to be done. I hope when they look back on this one day they will think what fools they looked like. How badly they hurt not only themselves but the other person involved! In this world there are MANY other ways to solving a problem rather than throwing blows at one another. What if that kid you were hitting was for no reason. What if he couldn't defend himself and he actually ended up getting seriously injured or worse dead. What joy comes from that. What good comes from possibly going to jail? No good in my eyes. Again something needs to be done!

As I was walking around I saw a group of girls with boobs hanging out bra straps showing skirts and shorts that barely cover ANYTHING! I saw a group of boys who have there pants to the ground with there underwear hanging out and nasty sayings on there shirts! I don't get it why? Is it the "cool crowd" thing again? Does it make you feel on top of the world looking like this? Morals where are they? Self respect where is it? Holding yourself at a standard gone. It doesn't help with all the sex on t.v. and seeing even ADULTS dress like this! What message are they trying to send. I got a message loud and clear in my mind of what it meant! Maybe Im wrong for feeling this but your still a child not a 21 year old! Again where are the parent something needs to be done!

Now music. HOLY COW the music thats on the radio... REALLY? I grew up on classic rock oldies and lots of country! Im an all the way country lover. I tuned into a wrap hip hop station today and couldn't believe my ears! All the music now a days is about sex drugs money and alachol. Again is this part of the "cool crowd".  Some lyrics I wanted to share with you NOW MIND YOU THEY ARE GRAPHIC.. HERE WE GO!

"I'm st-stacking my paper my wallet look like a bible
I got girlies half naked that shit look like the grotto
How your waist anorexic and then your ass is colossal, whoop
Drop that ass make it boomerang
Take my belt off bitch I'm Pootie Tang
Tippy tow tippy tay you gonna get a tip today
Fuck that you gonna get some dick today
I walk in with my crew and I'm breaking they necks
I'm looking all good I'm making her wet
They pay me respect they pay me in checks
And if she look good she pay me in sex, do it
Bounce that ass it's the roundest
You the best you deserve a crown bitch
Right on that"

???????????????????????????????????

What in the world? Is it just me or am I crazy? These kids are anywhere from 10 to adult listening to this music! What good is this doing for such young minds? What message are they getting? If I were a parent my kids would NOT be listening to music of such! Again Where are the parents, something needs to be done. I can also say I was a teenager not very long ago and kids do what they want against authority! When they are alone with friends and at partys this what they do its whats "IN" right now..... My oh my I hope they don't fall for this in the realistic life they have to face one day! Because it may be fun now but once your own your own you need to use all your judgment you have!

Always, ME xoxox

BoogeyMan under my bed, scary guy in my closet?

Kinda like lions and tigers and bears OH MY, in my case its the "boogeyman and the scary "guy in my closet!" Are you like me and love watching scary movies? Now, Im a big chicken but I LOVE getting the gee wilikers scared out of me! Ever since I was an itty bitty I would lock myself in my room and watch scary movies. Back then and even now lol I used to think if I hid under the covers nothing would happen to me! Also when I had to use the restroom or needed to go downstairs Id be to scared to step off the bed, so I would jump as far as I could from my bed and try to get as close I could to my door just to make sure the "boogey man" wouldnt grab me and drag me under with him! Ever since I was a little girl even now at 20 when I go to bed I have to have my door shut and my closet door has to be shut as well. Still sometimes think when Im alone that someone is waiting for me in my walk in closet (I know no one is there but still usurance right?) One day my sister and I and had couple friends over and had a sleepover. This must of been about 10 11 years ago, well we put a scary movie in everyone had popcorn candy sodas. You know the so amazingly healthy movie snacks! As we were getting in to the movie I was on the top part of my bunk bed and the rest of the girls were below cuddled up with one another, well about 10 minutes in to the movie we have all let an overly dramatic scream out by now, and all of a sudden we hear scratiching against the wall. No one really wanted to say anything we could tell by the look on eachothers faces kinda like "WHAT THE HELL, WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM KINDA LOOK." After a few more minutes went by everyone had focused back to the movie and for got about the scratching sound, not even 5 mintues later my aunt jumps out of the closet screaming. We all jump up and scream popcorn bowl flew to the opposite side of the room grease and butter everywhere candy all over the floor soda spilt on sleeping bags and now about 4 girls crying! Way to go auntie! After that "surprise act" we decided enough with the scary movies and to turn on cartoons and baby ourselves back to a normal heart rate! As I got older my freshmen year of Highschool a group of my friends and I went to Knotts Berry Farm but during the month of October it turns in to "Knotts scary Farm (put a creepy old mans voice while saying that)." As soon as we walked through the gates my heart rate was pumpin my hands sweating my stomach in knots thinking what did I get myself in to?... As were walking through the park people left and right are dressed scary to a T. Jumping out of bushes and trees jumping out of no where pretty much, running with chainsaws, girls and boys running from these scary monsters! As we went through a maze I was holding on to one of my friends digging my nails in to his back crying "I dont want to go in I dont want to go in." My girlfriend drug me through the whole maze and as soon as we got out there was a HUGE group of clowns standing tormenting people. Now Im not the biggest fan of clowns they freak me out. I swear these clowns smelt fear and as soon as they saw me they came right toward me. I took off, hauling ass through the park, I got to a part of the park where they had games. I ran to one of the game booths hopped over the counter of the game and jumped on the guy gripping him to death. Security came over and told me to let him go or had to leave! The guy was nice enough to say "NO shes fine just scared!" After that best believe I called my mother to come pick me up! Wohhhh that was a lot was your heart rate up? Do you have stories like this, comment below or email me and be a guest blogger!

xoxo

Always, ME

Military Wives Fight Back!

My beautys hello there! So as you see the picture above what do you think when you see it? As I posted previously back a few months ago I was in and out of the hospitals, it concluded in me haing cyts on my left ovary and a mass on my liver. Well as I was sitting on FB one day I was thinking that there are all these support pages but none for the wives and husbands who are sick. I started a oage called "Military Wives Fight Back." Its still semi new but Ive gotten many likes, the page is building up to what it shou ld be. This page is for those of you who have fought cancer and other illness iny our life, its for you to come and get the support encouragment and uplifting you need. I know how hard it is to be sick and feeling alone when your loved one is gone. Been there done it and still doing it. here is the link if you want to stop by and "like" the page! http://www.facebook.com/MilitaryWivesFightBack

On another note bear is still in New Zealand, he did say that he may be home in the Middle of may rather than June so fingers crossed hes home sooner than later! Once he gets back we will hopefully fly home to Indiana for two weeks, that is if his leave is approved! Along side with everything our relay for life is coming up with the American Cancer Society! It will be May 19th in Hacienda heights if you'd like to come out and be a survivor or participate! Im also starting a new diet that will take place Monday! If youd like to join in on Mondays we will weigh in and every week we will see how much we lost! Just comment and will get going! As for now I got to get back to tending to my miniature weiner dog! Yall have a wonderful night!

xoxo Always, Me!



A phone call and Cancer.

As you know bear is in New Zealand, he left the 9th and the first phone call I got was last Wensday and last night at 11 30 I got another call from him! I was dead asleep until I heard his voice. I popped up in bed started smiling and laughing, he sounded so good he was happy and just sounded full of life. I asked if he got any libbo time, he did yesterday and the day before. Oddly he said New Zealand looked like East coast meets Teneesse? But its pretty at night! I wondered how the heck does NEW ZEALAND look like that haha! He also said the people of New Zealand were very nice and welcoming. Down part is bears birthday along with my sisters is on Wensday the 18th. This will be the 4th birthday we miss together but comes along with the Military right! We will celebrate and pray he have a good day and then celebrate more when he comes home! Now in previous posts I mentioned I volunteer with the ACS (American Cancer Society) this will be my 6th year working with them. Cancer is a scary and awful thing to go through or to be connected to. Again in previous posts I said both my grandpa and dad have cancer as of now. Along with many other family memebers and friends have either had cancer or have been taken from us because of this illness. Yesterday my family(family also volunteers with the ACS)and I went to the V.F.W. to raise awarness and money for our relay. We had 2 stories brought to our attention while at the V.F.W.. We had a man of the age 27 stand before us sharing that when he was 13 he was diagnosed with cancer, 2 tumors on the top of his head. The Drs. that were working on him told him he had a .1 chance of living which means a 99.9 chance of dieing. As he went through his treatments he said the pain the throwing up the soars all that was just wrong and that no one should ever have to go through this. Well New Years day came and the Drs. came in and told him they have great news and greater news. One that he will be able to go home after being in the hospital for a year and 2 his blood test labs and everything came back negative he was finally cancer free, soon after he shared that with us he hit us with his wife dies of cancer 2 weeks after they got married. I couldn't imagine losing my S/O to such a sick thing. The 2nd story we had a little boy named Mario who was about 5 to 6 years of age. He was in his2nd remissioin and cancer free. He mentioned to his mom while in the hospital all he wanted to do was to learn to ride a bike. While in the middle of the fundraiser the host stopped and made Mario come to the center of the room to give him a gift. Everyone donated money for this little boy to have his dreams come true. They suprised him with a brand spankin new blue bike and helmet. Not a dry eye in the V.F.W. when he was presented with it. Mario ran to the back laughing and smiling he couldn't wait to get on his new wheels and start learning. We need to realize anyone can be diagnosed with this it affects everyone and we need to do what we can too help those in need. I help because of stories like that I help so I can see all the survivors take the first lap at the relay I help because I would want someone to help me. Please get involved or donate if you can very little makes a difference!


Always,
ME!

New Zealand.... New Marines... New friends.... and missions!

Hey all, wouldn't you like to go to New Zealand I know I would. Bear is in New zealand training till late May early November! Now story time about the events of him leaving... HERE WE GO... Last week he worked Monday thru wensday, Thursday and Friday he had. Well Thursday he got to my house around 7 30 he cracked open a beer we had some friends over everything was great. bear got a call as soon as he sucked down the last of his beer from one of his Cpls. saying "we just got 11 new privates in and you need to come in and sing em' in" bear left and I satyed home and entertained. He got home around 1 30 am or so exhausted. Friday morning we wake up and go down to base to pick up some supplies, we met up with my sister and more friends for breakfast at a place called "The Breakfast Club" now this place is "BITCHIN" as they say in the 80's. This place is all 80's theme the decor the music and the food is finger lickin good and cheap. I so recommend this place. Afte we ate we finished up at base and went home and settled in for the night, Saturday morning rolled around. we left the house around 9 am (bear had to catch a flight at 3 pm) as the hours grew shorter we packed and loved on eachother, about 1pm came in to play and a lcpl. came to the door and informed bear that one of the female privates needs to get her skirt in town and no one can take her and that her room mate hadn't done her taxes yet. I offered to take the girls in to town to get what they need to do done. As we were walking to the car they were very nervous and anxious. I could see it in there body language. as we were driving I was talking to them trying to get them to relax telling them a little about my self asking them some questions as well. These girls were both my age 19 it was breathtaking to know how young they were and fighting for our country I was so happy and thank ful for them as I told them. As they would talk to me they would either call me "Cpl. Wilsons fiance, Mrs. Garza, Ma'am" i told them to call me Alyssa and that im a friend and to not be nervous with me. After that they loosened up and got a bit comfortable with me they relaxed which look like they haven't done in some time, we finally got to the seamstress, we got out and went to grab her skirt when the woman said it wouldnt be ready till 6 pm that night. The private apologized a million time feeling awful saying she would give me gas money for wasting my gas and so on and so on. I told her hush and not to worry about it it was my pleasure and that I would wait till 6 to drive her back. We got back to base and I spent the rest of what I had with bear. 3 o'clock came to fast and his ride pulled around with the other Marines that were going, he kissed me and hugged me and said good bye. He walked away and when he got to the door of the van turned to me blew me a kiss and yelled "I love you" and I just smiled feeling all gushie! As I waited till 6 came around I just sat and talked to the duty officers, (more of bears Marines.) Finally 6 came and we all went back to my car and drove down to oceanside once again. 2nd time around we go to the shop and got her skirt, I was thinking to myself what I can do to make these girls day? I looked at them and asked if they wanted to stay out longer and they both with excitment yelled "YEAS MA'AM PLEASE" I just sat and laughed and said okay my time to spoil yall. I took them in to a few stores they bought some new clothes a purse and some shoes! They both agreed by buying this they actually feel like "GIRLS AGAIN!" after they were done shopping I took them to eat some Mexican food they then at the table were laughing so hard while sharing stories! As we finished up and got back in to the car one of the Privated said to me she admired me and looks up to me that I stand by him and that Im such a good woman and that Cpl. Wilson is very lucky to have me. Later on in the drive I got a phone call its not about 7 30 its from bear, as soon as I heard his tone of voice I knew something was wrong he said to me " babe I need you to do me a huge favor I forgot my woodland cammis and I need you to bring them to me!" Now mind you from Camp Pendleton to LAX its anywere depending on traffic 2-3 hours away and his flight leaves at 10 30 pm. As I got on to base I drove as fast as I could (while doing the speed limits)racing to his barricks dropped the girls off ran to his room grabbed his cammies and bolted to the car and took off. I called my mom and told her im on my way to pick her up, as I was driving I felt the urge to throw up and pee I know weird. I was so so so stressed out it was awful. I got to my house and ran up stairs and with relief peed thank good ness I made it becauae I was literally running with my knees together! It was now about 8 10 or so, once again we got in the car and flew to the airport. In this time Bear has called me now over 30 times asking where I was at the sound of stress in that mans voice made my heart break. Were driving driving driving and finally see signs for the airport we get to where we need to be gate 5 delta. We saw him standing on the curb I jumped out he slammed his sea bag on the ground were shoving his cammis in, its 9 20 he kisses me kisses my hand says by to my momma and books it through security! As we left looking back on the relief of that mans face was pricelss and made all my icky feeling go away! So now we are 5 days into him being gone! Pheww did you break a sweat because I sure did! Have you done anything like this? Comment if you have!

Always,
ME! xoxo

What would you do?

Have you ever seen the show what would you do?
If not here is a little insight, its a t.v. show where they
test peoples judgement in certain situations!
For example if a babysitter had the child they were caring for in
public was yelling at them and holding there wrist tighhtly
would you step in and say something or, just keep walking?
Well yesterday I was in a shopping center sitting people watching, don't
you love people watching! Back to the story I saw a boy walk by
couldn't be any younger than 16 i'd say, minding his own beeswax! The boy
was wearing orange shorts, a black shirt, green jacket, high blue
socks, with tennis shoes on. Me personally I don't care if
happy and comfy that's all that matters! Well as he was walking I was
watching a group of teens looking laughing and pointing at him. I
became heated over this and inraged then I felt sorry for
this boy. I sat for mintue and thought to myself
"they don't know him, what if thats all he has?,the boy is probably a
great kid, should I stand up and say something or sit and hush up?"
The boy acted like he didn't hear what they were syaing or
pretended he didnt see the pointing. At this point I built
the courage up to say something but as soon as I was walking towards them they scattered, the boy just stood looking at me I asked if he was okay
he smiled and said yes then we both went our seperate ways.
Now as much as I Hate to say this I have been
one of those "teens" and I kick myself for being so, all we can do
is learn from our immaturity.This brings me back to my title
"what would you do" would you say something or would you stay quiet? Have
you ever done something like this if so I would love to hear the
responses. We need to remember others feelings we need to
think before we speak. Instead of bringing someone down how about being
a friend or saying how do you do today? Society
today is to stuck on "t.v. and the internet" to stuck in the "cool
crowd" TO STUCK IN BEING ACCEPTED FOR NOT WHO YOU TRULY ARE"
Stay true to who you are your perfect the way you are and you should never
be anyone your not! Remember that!


Always me. xoxo

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!

Hey all long time no talk huh? Man have you seen the new Army Wixes and Cominghome? Can you say TEAR JERKERS!!!! Well so far were so good! Bear is doing excellent as well as me, last I posted was about my dad and grandpa! They are doing well. I still haven't come to terms that they BOTH have cancer. Its a nast awful thing and I hate it I hate it so much. I finally got back in to voluntering with the ACS (American Cancer society) we need to be aware and not so oblivious to this sickness. We think it can't happen to us but truth is it can. ancer is a scary word isn't it? Please pray and send good vibes to the 2 men in my life its much appreciated!... With that being said update with bear. He was supposed to be leaving for Afghanistan in September but gave it up to another Cpl. who needed is desprately. When he gave it up he thought he may have made the wrong decision but, not long after that he got orders to go to new Zealand for 45 days on April 9th to train the New Zealand Army! awesome for him can you say jealous! Down side is bears birthday is the 18th this will be the 4th year we willnot beable to spend it together! I remind myself well ya know its the Marines for ya hes just doing his duty gotta love it! when he comes back we will be making a 2 week trip too Indiana to see his parents, so so so excited to get up there and see em'! With that being said I was invited to PUREBLOGGERS.COM here is the link if you want to follow---> http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fpurebloggers.com%2Fprofile-26286%2F&h=VAQGnFO8lAQFAX2e6ac0MU1wybwc6GNbEaiaSob8KQdCZNw (now im still working on it so forgive me!) Now also don't forget to check out my Facebook page 'The Practical Magic Of You' good night all!