Hello new things!

Well haven't I just picked up a few new habits thanks to his deployment! First off hello insomnia ugh I hate you I find my self not sleeping at all, but the chance I do get get to sleep I wake up with bad dreams. 2nd man oh man I am just a nervous wreck and just floured at how stupid some wives of the meu (what bear is on deployment ship USS Peliliu)can be! My poor Marine and his fellow Marines along with the Sailors are stressed out enough! Well some wives decided to post the date times ports and route our men were taking all over face book!! Hello can you honestly be that effin stupid? OPSEC is there for a reason you idiots! Thanks to you everything is changed new route new everything and surely thanks to you all again I have not herd his voice in about a month and barley any info! It amazes me how few can ruin it for hundreds! Now I feel sick all the time but I am surviving my first deployment! I love saying that! December come fast please I will love you forever if you do! I can't wait for your homecoming some gals and I already have plans at meeting at one of our houses and count down the hours make good food posters movie night wohooo I so can't wait! That would be the best present I have ever got! I got my first letter damn when I saw that I almost crapped myself the letter was amazing just sweet bliss I can't wait for my next one. I started my diet another new thing dieting and working out yes, I decided to get my lazy butt up and become the hot mama I want to be. Well this is it for now Ill write again soon! Forever proud forever faithful I love you Gary Ray miss you!

almost one month down already!

Wow almost one month down already!Damn did that go by fast! I miss my hunny so much I miss his kisses I miss his hugs I miss his voice I miss I just miss him. Its been up and down I ve been trying to keep my self busy which has been working BUT my hero keeps slippin in my busy mind... I swear I can not go without thinking of him not even 5 minutes. I want to write a little something to Gary Ray or aka bear... Hey baby how are you? I've been being your strong girl!I miss you I haven't heard from you in almost a month. I dream of your home coming every night and when I do I get wild fireflies (as he calls them instead of butterflies) in my tummy. I wonder how many times the color of your eyes have changed. I know blue is when your happy green is when your stressed and yellow oh boy watch out! I love when your eyes change colors why you ask because I know when there is something wrong and you can't tell me no there's not! I have 3 regular t shirts and a cammi jacket of yours on my bed and the best part they still smell like you! Looking back at some of the pictures of deployment day are kinda blahh... Especially the one of us both crying(its posted in the pics hat go along with this. Already almost 6 months left woot woot! Are you sleeping okay does your tummy get enough to eat do you have mudd butt yet? (meaning he has the runs!)Its 11:00 pm here 8:00 pm where you are but your in the future a day ahead of me! I love you baby I misses you. I hate to say this but I've been having the worst dream over and over... As I am about to write this I will be knocking on wood... Baby I really need you I really want you to come home I don't want to seem selfish or over dramatic but I don't want to go through what my mom did. She till his day 20 years later suffers from ptsd and survivors guilt. I come out to the kitchen every morning and see Art's flag ( my moms laid husband kia in 91 Saudi Arabia first gulf war there will be a pic posted of him too} I don't want that knock on my door and I don't want a flag folded in a case. I see this girl dealing with her husbands death with a new born beautiful baby girl. just want to kick scream and cry for her but I am not going to because shes a strong women who is keeping herself lively for herself and her daughter. I look up to her she is suck an inspiration This is for you Rachel Porto your an amazing beautiful women with the greatest baby girl ever I look at her pictures and she looks just like her daddy! I am sorry you had to go through this I don't know the grief your going through I wish you hadn't but this makes you stronger wiser and the best Marine wife/mommy ever keep your head up and keep solderin on I am so proud of you girl so damn proud of you...Back to my hunny I am so proud of you and o blessed to have you in my life I am here waiting for you for as long as you need me to like Ialways say forever proud forever faithful your wife Alyssa! xoxoo

I WANT... DEPLOYMENT DREAM

One week down already I can't believe it. Its going by pretty fast for e I haven't cried since the day he left. Its not that I don't have feelings I just know this is temporary not permanent. I have already got emails from him.My eyes grew big and my smile grew wider as I read what my memory wrote to me! He told me he couldn't wait to get back and get married he can't wait to be together start our family and just to see my autumns .It truly does help a lot to keep your self busy and my nights aren't bad there good. I miss you yes do I ever but the brokenness inside me has started healing! I know your okay but I know you miss me I know we love each other and we are strong I am stressed but willing to handle what ever gets thrown on this table. I am starting to pack the house up I can't wait to be closer to you and them when yo get home we will actually be living together in the same house! Wohooo!!! I am on a new diet trying to get fit I am p.ting myself everyday its a goal of mine to make me feel better about myself.I started a few projects that are for you, so you can have them when you come home. I am already thinking of home coming the posters the things we are going to do the things I want to do with you! But the one that stuck out the most to me was laying in bed looking at you sleeping or not. That thought keeps me going Oh to smell you or to feel you to kiss you or to hug you I can't wait! I am going to grandma Linda and to mom for more home made cooking lessons so I can cook yummy in your tummy food when you get home. I have another relay coming up on June 5th another 24hour one I can't wait! I miss you so much come home to me soon my love I love you bear. I was relaxing in the bath this morning and thinking of our almost house how it will be! I want a southern country style house I want flowers everywhere I want a garden of vegetable I want my house to smell look autumn or apple pie and cinnamon with a hint of pumpkin. I want candles everywhere and I mean everywhere I want french doors I want a wrap around porch and a balcony.I want white flowie lace white curtains and a big bath tub I want fire places! And the best thing when it rains I just want to lay in bed with you all day. I want to make you break fast and watch you read your paper. I want to hear you laugh in the next room I want to know when I go to bed you are the man I will be laying my head next to. And like you told me I want to be in those rocking chairs with you old and gray! Even though I don't want to turn old and gray I will because you want to!

DEPLOYMENT DAY OOHRAH #2

DEPLOYMENT DAY OOHRAH

19,May 2010 was deployment day! Over the years months and experiences I've had I've learned that deployment day is supposed to be a sad depressing day. But for me it wasn't I mean I had my moment but, we laughed and danced talked about what we will do when he gets home and how fast this deployment will be. Okay well Ill start from the beginning so Tuesday night his Sgt. called and said "Marine you need to get here and pack your stuff and clean the barrack". He turned to me and I said let's go I will help you. So we drove to Base (hour and a half drive one way} we finally got there. Ran up to the room and started packing but he had so much stuff we had to redo the bag 3 times and packed another two back packs for him to take. we drove home and OUR ROOM IS A MESS MY GOODNESS YOU CAN'T WALK ANY WHERE WITHOUT TRIPPING ERRR. Anyways Wednesday came deployment day we started driving to base yet again we got there. Mom and grandma came with us which was great support for both of us. We took them to the barracks so they can see how he lived. It came to be 0300 so we loaded back in to the car along with his buddy Linero and took em' down to the buses were they were all loading up there stuff! After they loaded everything we followed the 5 buses down to San Diego naval base to send them off, come to find out The big effin navy ship that holds over 1000 marines and seamen broke down so now they can be leaving anywhere from today till Sat.. Great I said I just want this damn deployment to start so it will end. But I guess it's patience we need to endure for these next few days. I cant wait for this ship the Peleliu to start crusin for 7 months then cruise right back to me! 210 days till we will be married and living together man I cant wait. I got this rush of excitement every time I think about him. I miss him so much and cant wait to jump on him and kiss him oh I can feel it now, its right in front of me ahhh I want to reach for it and grab it but I cant just yet! 7 months (28 weeks) that's it and hes home its so close already ugh I cant wait I have chills running down me. Damn do I miss those big blue eyes and your strong country accent your wonderful smile and big bear hug!
ladies!! Leaving loved one's is apart of military life it teaches us women to do things on our own. For instance fix the sink,take care of the house and kids, explain to a million people over again where your husband is without getting tears in your eyes,taking the car in to get fixed with out getting taken advantage of,hanging on the memory of his sweet smile,learn to love him MORE, and it will teach your strengths and weaknesses as days go but you will learn how to deal with them! My fiance deployed yesterday and yes I am sad BUT, I am so ready for it I am confident strong and so happy for this deployment to start so it will end! I bet your thinking I am crazy for saying I am so ready for this deployment to start because after this 7 month deployment I get to marry the love of my life! I play songs that remind me of us, I think of all the good times, I think about his goofy little smile and his cute ass!, I sleep with his Cammi jacket on my pillow even though it smells like sweat I don't care because its his scent that is my man that is the closest thing to my man I have while he is gone! Fill your day with a task and when its time to go to bed put on a comedy your favorite movie or just think of him and what you all will do when he get's back think how wonderful it will be think how amazing it will be to have him home again! There will be moments when you break down but promise you YOU WILL BE OKAY! I am here for you I love you like a sister and I know we don't know each other us marine spouse women have a bond like no ones business! I want you to smile and be happy and spend the last days you have with him cherish them take more pictures than you need and if you have to tell him you love him every other minute! But you have to trust that you will be okay you have to trust your self you have to believe in your self and in your husband! Have faith in everything you and him do!!! If your having a bad day turn the music up loud sing at the top of your lungs and cry if you want to if you have to scream then scream and if you have to break out and just laugh historically then do so! NEVER BE AFRAID OF YOURSELF PEOPLE OR MAKING SOME ONE MAD because if anyone has the right to be mad or upset its us! But I want you too realize your an incredible beautiful unbelievable strong women you will come to find out my love!
I LOVE YOU GARY RAY I MISS YOU AND I AM FOREVER PROUD FOREVER FAITHFUL TO YOU I LOVE YOU BABY MISS YOU!

military vs. prison!

This morning I was watching A show called "lock down total control"! As it got heavier in the show I realized what the hell this isn't right. Meaning why the eff do "PRISONERS" get TREATED A MILLION TIMES BETTER THAN OUR MILITARY? I am very up set and offended some what that our government let alone the American people let this happen... Well my points are to this military vs. prison is

1.Military men and women have to dry hang there cammis boots socks undergarments etc. out in the dirt and rain hopefully they will become somewhat fresher but, the prisoners get clean laundry almost every other day!

2. Military men and women get a shower if there ever so lucky every few weeks! But again, the prisoners get showers clean soap fresh towels hot water everyday.

3. Meal time! Military men and women get m.r.e. {meals ready to eat} meaning the food is processed powder broken down packaged tummy hurtin mud butt (you get the runs!}food. And in all honesty I wouldn't even call it food! But our "lovely" prisoners get 3 hot meals everyday.

4.Phone calls and letters! Military men and women get theme every so weeks or when they are allowed and putting at least 20 cents in per minute! But again the "heroic" prisoners get phone calls just about everyday mail everyday!

5.family! Prisoners get family and friend visits weekly is that right for there bad behavior know its not... But us military spouses and military men and women have to go anywhere from 6 months to 15 months to 2 years without seeing them feeling them or looking each other eye to eye! The closest thing we have to seeing them or them seeing us is a picture a voice mail or a simple shirt that smells like them.

6.Sleep time. Prisoners have there own room sink and toilet oh yeah and to for get the bed! Now I know they have to be segregated but still cmon really? Fresh new sheets pillow cases blankets. Military men and omen sleep in or on top of trucks in the dirt where ever they are told and sometimes they don't even get sleep for days!

7.entertainment! Prisoners have games tv's cards basketball a gym videos DVD magazines etc. The military men and women have to find stuff to entertain them for example a scorpion crawling on the ground making a ball from clothes making there own cards etc. Don't get me wrong they have things people send them but its the point I'am trying to make!

I can go on but I think you all get the point opinions or comments would be nice!

13 days till I see you later..

So 13 days and you leave me be, no not forever but in time for me to find the strengths and weaknesses of me! You said to me tonight through text the second day your home were going to the court house to get married you didn't want to be apart from me any longer than you were! As I asked what we would do the first night you were home you just sent me a simple smiley face! As we kept talking he said don't worry you will still get your October wedding and that I have to put another ring on someones pretty little finger! I sat there and giggled because it was just so damn cute! Today on Mothers Day you also sent me a message saying Happy future mamas day to you! When i read that my eyes filled with tears and my heart grew stronger those few little words gave me more hope and more confidence in this deployment! I am still feeling really good and happy 7 months you will be apart of my life I would rather have you gone 7 months then having just a cased flag of you, like I do my step dad. I want to tell you I am damn proud to be a Marine wife and just your wife Mrs.Wilson can you believe it were about 230 days away from that! I love you my man you are so amazing in everything you do you have so much faith and trust so much love and kindness the generosity you have for anyone is just incredible! Hearing you talk about our one day family and all the things you want to do! I cant wait for that home coming believe me or not I already have posters made and one care package down! We got this baby we got this in the palm of our hand! I love you my almost husband good night!

YOUR FOREVER PROUD FOREVER FAITHFUL USMC BRIDE TO BE ALYSSA XOXO!!!